I turned thirty. So what now?

Published on 29 Jul 2011 by Mithun Shanbhag

[This post was migrated from an old facebook note (remember that?) of mine]

Incoherent thoughts as always. Don’t try to make sense of these.

I turned 30 earlier this year. More on that later….
Use it or lose it
- vacations
- muscles
- brain cells
- opportunities
- perishables
- phone numbers
- time
- :
- What else???
Left lane is for passing only.
Ever been stuck behind a slow moving vehicle on the left lane? You know what I’m talking about, right? The one that’ll hold up 10 or 15 cars behind it. Won’t speed up. Won’t move over to right lane. Won’t let anyone pass. Will drive 45 on a 60-mile lane. Won’t realize that it’s holding others up. Comfortable with it’s own pace. Comfortable with it’s own existence.
How do you know if YOU are that slow moving vehicle? Have you checked your rearview mirror recently?
A journey always begins with a kickass quote…

“Screw it, let’s do it!” – Richard Branson, 1968. Went on to create the Virgin group of industries - magazines, megastores, recording studios, airlines.

“I feel that every time I get the ball, I’m going to score” – Michael Owen, 1998. Went on to win European soccer player of the year 2001, lost his fire and subsequently became a shadow of his own self.
10 completely random life lessons learnt over the last 10 yrs or so. In no particular order…
- Make quick decisions. 30 seconds tops. Even a bad decision is better than no decision. In my head, I use both the ‘PROACT’ method and decision trees. Look them up….
- Things happens. Life happens. Stay strong. Circumstances do not define you. What defines you is how you react to those circumstances.
- Meet. Greet. Eat. Repeat.
- Strive to learn more about yourself - your abilities, your strengths, your weaknesses, your limits, why you react the way you react, your triggers, your buttons, your comfort zone, your breaking point, your type-indicators, your colors etc. You WILL be surprised by what you learn.
- Persistence matters. No one reaches their goals simply by being interested in them. Don’t give up. But also know when to pause and analyze. If the same technique/tactic has been failing for a while, it is time to go back to the drawing board.
- “What would {your role model} do in this situation?” Often times, asking this question leads to an answer. Doesn’t really matter who your role model is. Messi. Jordan. Jesus. Mom. Effin’ Deepak Chopra. Soccer coach. Ganesha. Someone from work. A friend. Whoever you look up to. Learn from them. Study them. Understand their methods.
- Fight for something and maybe you’ll get it. Don’t fight for it and you definitely won’t. I always went for it. Sometimes it paid off. Sometimes it blew up in my face. Spectacularly. But I always showed up.
- Grow a pair. Be assertive (not arrogant). But think before you speak. Do you research beforehand (I’m data-driven mostly). Back yourself up. Never waver. Never begin with an apology.
- Take memories, not pictures. A campy five minute video with a tacky soundtrack will capture the moments better than 1000+ high-resolution pictures.
- Head over heart. No exceptions.
Who brought this whiny kid into the library?
Are your anchors stuck?
- An anchor prevents your boat from drifting away. Keeps it centered. But when the anchor itself gets stuck in rocks, your boat is going nowhere. Being anchored is good. Being stuck, not so much :-)
- As a person, you are anchored by several of life’s ‘pillars’ - your family, your friends & social circle, your relationship, your job, your hobbies & activities, the lovely city you live in etc. Your time & energy is divided amongst these. Over time, you need to ask some crucial questions for each of these anchors.
- Take your career for instance. Are you learning new things on the job? Are you excited to come in to work? Working with smart people? Pushing new boundaries? Taking on more responsibilities? Is your team/company still competitive? Are you meeting whatever success metrics you defined for yourself & your team? If yes, then the anchor (your career) is fine. If not, your anchor is stuck and preventing you from moving forward. You are just showing up for the paycheck. You might as well be in a dilbert cartoon.
- Ask similar questions about your friends. Are you making new friends? Meeting new people? Trying different things? Any new experiences? Exciting trips? Or are you simply hanging out with the same old clique? Doing the same routine things? How is the quality of your friendship? Better than before? You’re not as close as you once were?
- If you are evolving and are in sight of your goals…. your anchors are fine.
- If you are simply existing and have forgotten what your goals were…. your anchors are stuck.
- Are you anchors stuck? Are they holding you back? When did you last check?
- If an anchor is indeed stuck, what are you gonna do about it? Cut it loose. Change a job. End a relationship. Don’t hang out with people who are pulling you down. It is hard but it probably needs to be done.
Back to life @ 30. For the first couple of months I didn’t see anything different on this side of the fence. But something changed this week. No, I didn’t discover a bald spot. Yet.
Lots of thoughts have been buzzing in my mind. Been asking myself some really hard questions.
- I used to be incredibly competitive and headstrong. Whatever happened to me? How did I become this happy-go-lucky guy? The clown. Why have I mellowed? Is it just age? Or have I lost my edge? Have I lost my fire?
- Have I lost sight of my life goals? Do I even remember what they were?
- For each of my life pillars, am I making clear, forward progress? Career, friends-n-family, relationship, social circles, business networks, hobbies, activities, charities etc.
- Am I becoming that slow-moving vehicle in the left lane?
- Are any of my anchors stuck? What am I gonna do about it?
Turns out, I know what my life goals are. I had simply lost sight of some of them.
- Turns out, some of my anchors are fine. Some are horribly stuck and preventing me from moving forward. In some other places, I don’t have any anchors…. I need one.
- But all this is OK. I know now. Changes need to happen. And they will.
- And yes I’m aware that people might actually be reading all this. Why do I openly talk about all this? Because that’s how I choose to function. I’m a WYSIWYG person. Deal with it.
Hitting 30 has also caused me to pause for a bit and reflect back on the years gone by. As I look into rearview mirror, I see lots of laughter. A lot of funny, crazy and hilarious things happened over the years. Maybe I’ll write about that someday (will have to edit out a lot of details :-)). The highlight reel definitely plays out like a comedy movie. OK, it wasn’t always fun and games. But that’s how I want to remember it as.
But that’s simply that. The rearview mirror. No point dwelling too much on it. I want to keep my eyes on the road ahead.